Man, I had one of those rough emotional days today (you know the kind.. if you have kids, a husband, pets, parents, in-laws or any and all of the above) and it seemed like I wasn't going to get through it. I also kept thinking about my blog tonight and how I was going to even begin to inspire or sit and Jesus' feet and get ANYTHING out of it to pass along. Then, as I thought about my day and what was so hard to get passed, there was Jesus... in the simple words of my husband.... and I know that tonight our journey together would have profound meaning to me.. and I pray to you as well.
So, it was a rough day on the mom front today. Sometime I struggle with being a mom, cook, driver, leader, nurse, friend, maid, coach, teacher of homework, etc.... and I struggle with those things because I forget to be ME too. I get wrapped up in each thing/problem/situation that surrounds me and I forget that God has given me the tools to do them ALL... and EXCEED at them because I AM ME. His daughter, His servant. HE has given me to my children and I am responsible for their little hearts learning to love the Lord, learn to be sympathetic and loving and kind. I am responsible for their little minds to learn all those things in school that we swear they'll NEVER use again and were NEVER taught to US when we were their age "that way". I am responsible for them being able to love themselves, honor God's will for their lives, and build their self-esteem so that they won't look for it anywhere else BUT from God. Whew... all that in itself feels like my shoulders are weighed down to the floor. But then, I'm lovingly (and sometimes it takes a frying pan to the head) reminded that GOD'S GOT THIS... therefore I GOT THIS too!
I am going to let you a in on a few little "secrets" that God very profoundly (again) reminded me today.
- My daughter and I almost daily (and probably if I"m honest with myself DAILY) have lovingly heated discussions (or fights, whichever you prefer to call them) over what she's going to wear to school, church and ANYWHERE for that matter. Even to BED. I'm TOTALLY serious and not over exaggerating AT ALL!!! She has been a little "tom boy" from the day that little princess was born. Her daddy had her hanging from basketball rims at a year old, her big brother had her driving trucks and cars around the whole house before she could walk, and then her mommy (yup- that's me) isn't necessarily a girlie girl. So- My little princess fights tooth and nail if a shirt she has to wear to school has too much pink, any sparkle at all, or doesn't seem "loose" enough. Now, I'm totally happy with her not wanting to wear skin tight shirts or anything like that at age 10 (or any age I pray) but I am just losing faith having to fight her every single day. I'm telling you my princess doesn't even want to wear the clothes she picks out from the store (which are more on the girlie side sometimes). She will not wear "night clothes" she wants to wear her basketball shorts and a t-shirt. I'm not sure how your wal-marts are around where you live but since that's the ONLY place to shop here in the town I'm in and the next one is 2 hours away that's pretty much all we get unless I happen to go 2 hours to Tucson and happen to have a clothing allowance to spend AND I don't have to fight within myself on buying her clothes b/c I know she'll never wear them. So... back to Wal-Mart, our store's little girls department have NOOOOO shorts of ANYYYY kind that are not daisy duke style.... ya know those shorts that when girls bend over you shutter b/c you're SURE you're going to see their underwear or GOD forbid something else. I'm talking for children sizes 4T and up to whatever size it goes to before you hit women's sizes in this women's department. I get so frustrated and I refuse to buy her those shorts so I travel over to the boys department for basketball shorts that go to her knees. (At least she's modest) So- I suppose I will take blame for her demands for boyish, silky basketball shorts or jeans. -K- so this may not seem like such a big deal for you all, but it's a fight every single day. If her shoes needs to be washed then she has to wear her white and pink tennis shoes... OMGosh white tennis shoes with some pink....she'll definitely die right? She thinks that she will. I just get so frustrated with having to battle her. I would love her to get "more girlie" but I guess it's not worth fighting over, it's just the actually fights that wears me out. I finally won holidays and Church so she will wear dress clothes on those days, but nothing else she's budge on.
I started to realize how much I am like a child, kicking and screaming and thinking I know better than God sometimes. And how many times I will do the TOTAL opposite of what He's asked me to because I want him to come running after me (like my kids do to me). As you might guess, the similarities just kept going on from there, for almost an hour. I started out crying out to him b/c I was at my wits end and ended up crying my eyes out asking him to forgive me for being JUST LIKE my kids.
Therefore, I'm just like they (my kids) are and He is just like me (a parent trying to get their kids to mind and not go crazy in the process). Boy, don't you just hate but at the same time LOVE those frying pan to the head moments. Forget my toes getting stepped on.... my head hurts!!! LOL
So, I wanted to encourage you my friends to remember our Heavenly Father goes through the EXACT same things with us as we do with our children. It will humble you to be a little more patient with your children's strong wills and help remind YOU to let GOD break YOURS. Sometimes things really matter in the scheme of things and it's a mountain that you must command to MOVE and sometimes it's just a little hill and you can just lay back under a big shade tree and enjoy the soft grass of that hill.
Thanks for listening and joining me for my frying pan moments today. My time at Jesus Feet was very much a lesson learned and a "THOUGHT" that I will keep with me from now on. Everything doesn't have to be a battle and NOTHING should be a battle again GOD. Sometimes our children just need us to pick them up and cuddle them in our arms and tell them how much we love them for who they are and that even as much as we love them..... GOD loves them EVEN MORE!!! Just as we need God to comfort us and hold our hand and tell us how much he loves us!!
Lots of Love In Him,